Sex issue resolved:
Bynum-Weeks marriage over
By D. AILEEN DODD
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 06/20/08
The stormy marriage of ministers Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks III — temporarily calmed by a night of passion — ended this morning in a Gwinnett County courtroom.A divorce was finalized for the couple at 10:45 a.m before Judge Debra Turner.Both Bynum and Weeks expressed relief and a measure of joy that marriage, marked by a spectacular wedding, a high—profile ministry and a parking lot beat down, was over."It has been a long-awaited moment," said Bynum after the court hearing. "I had already made my [peace] with it."Weeks, on probation for assaulting Bynum last summer, said he will always have a "special love" for her, but he is moving on.,"I feel like it's a new day — a brand new life, a brand new time," Weeks said.Bynum agreed to pay $40,000 of Weeks' attorney fees. They will keep individual assets they had before the marriage. Bynum wants to retrieve some personal items in Weeks possession, including a harp and sculpture.Weeks a gets a 2004 Land Rover. And he pays any credit card debt in his name.No alimony was granted.The couple left the courtroom separately. They only said hello to each other before the hearing.Before the final decree, the divorce proceeding was interrupted after Bynum revealed that the couple had sex last August after they had separated.It was not revealed if conjugal connection happened after Weeks assaulted Bynum in a hotel parking lot last summer. Turner left the courtroom to research whether the divorce could be granted under Georgia law, which, in part, sees sex by separated couples as a act of reconciliation."My understanding is you can no longer have marital relations based on the date of separation that you file," Turner said.Randy Kessler, Weeks' attorney, said that the couple had been living in separation and that Bynum filed for divorce after the sexual encounter."The fact that they had sex before she filed for divorce is an amendable defect," said Kessler, meaning the conjugal coupling should not void the divorce.After the recess, Turner agreed to push the date of separation up to September to circumvent the reconciliation issue.Weeks strolled into the Gwinnett County Justice and Administration Center around 9:30 a.m. with a smile on his face. He was flanked by two supporters, one of them his personal assistant.Bynum, who arrived just before 10 am., said "I'm doing well, I feel great. It's not a sad thing."She said she doesn't have any time to take off and heal from the divorce. She has been made a regular adviser on television's "Divorce Court," and two weeks ago, she was permanently added to the cast of "Lincoln Heights," an ABC network series featuring multicultural families. The prime time show airs on Mondays."I'm excited," she said.Bynum, a nationally-known evangelist and Weeks, pastor of a once-large and prosperous church in Duluth, appeared to be a match made in heaven. But not even prayer could keep them together in the end.Both pastors have accused each other of violence, however Weeks was the only one to face charges for it. In March, Weeks, leader of Global Destiny Ministries, pleaded guilty to aggravated assault charges for pushing, kicking and beating Bynum in the parking lot of the Renaissance Concourse Hotel in Atlanta last summer.Bynum filed for divorce on the basis of cruel treatment soon after the August 2007 attack. The couple had already been separated for several months at the time.Weeks and Bynum wed in an elaborate televised ceremony six years ago. They built a church and international ministry together in Duluth, but busy work schedules, financial troubles and alleged incidents of spousal abuse eventually severed their union.Some followers of the couple, though, had prayed they would reconcile.However, in the tell-all book on his love life with Bynum "What Love Taught Me" Weeks, who was sentenced to three years probation and community services for assaulting Bynum, accepts some responsibility for the downfall of his marriage. He said he was a "workaholic" who hadn't really learned to relax and lighten up."I am a very private person — somewhat introverted," Weeks wrote in his book. "I lack personality in many ways ... I was always serious, focused and nerdish ... maybe that was one of my great downfalls in developing relationships."Weeks said Bynum was his polar opposite — outgoing and funny. But because she was so devoted to her ministry, he often felt lonely when she traveled on the job. Weeks said he missed the "connection" he had with his wife as a friend and a lover when she was gone preaching."I worked, worked, worked and worked to avoid feeling lonely," Weeks wrote in his book. Weeks said in his book there were "countless" women around him at church that offered to meet his needs, but he said he refrained from straying because of his faith and commitment to his church. "I have a legacy I have to carry out," he said.Weeks said in his book he and his wife never became "best friends" because of their separate lives. He said Bynum would discuss their problems with others instead of keeping things quiet."I didn't call my mother and father and tell them about the problems we were having," he said.Bynum, who has been divorced before, said during an appearance on Fox TV's Divorce Court that she tried to live with the problems in her troubled marriage."You are trained in the traditional sense of religion to be the person that is always fine," Bynum said. "I found myself trying to live up to that ... I didn't want to look stupid."But after the attack, Bynum said she could no longer pretend that she was happily married. She said she got so depressed afterwards, she considered suicide. "Suicide crossed my mind, jumping out of the window crosses your mind," Bynum said. "I felt hopeless."Divorce will not close the chapter on the couple's problems altogether.It could open up new wounds for them and their followers. Healing could take some time for everyone, says David Key, director of Baptist Studies at Emory University's Candler School of Theology."A divorce is like any kind of loss," said Key. "There is a grieving process."
Friday, June 20, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Bishop Weeks offers divorce settlement to Juanita Bynum
By BY D. AILEEN DODD
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 06/03/08
The end may be near for the troubled marriage of national evangelist Juanita Bynum and her estranged husband Bishop Thomas W. Weeks III.
Weeks, the leader of Global Destiny Ministries of Duluth, sent a settlement offer to Bynum so divorce negotiations wouldn't drag on any longer, said Weeks' attorney, Randy Kessler of Atlanta. The 15-page offer is being reviewed by Bynum's attorney, Karla Walker of Valdosta.
"There are a couple of minor changes we have to make," Kessler said. "We are hoping that the document will be signed by the end of the week."
Kessler would not discuss the terms of the settlement offer. Weeks is not seeking spousal support, Kessler said, but the pastor does want help covering his attorney fees.
Walker did not respond to a call for comment and Bynum's publicist, Amy Malone, had no comment.
Bynum and Weeks married in 2002 in an elaborate ceremony. They built Global Destiny Church in Duluth together before their relationship fizzled.
On Aug. 21, 2007, Weeks attacked Bynum in the parking lot of the Renaissance Concourse Hotel in Atlanta after the couple met to discuss their problems. They had been separated since spring 2007.
Weeks was convicted in March of aggravated assault in the attack on his wife. He was sentenced as a first offender, given three years' probation and ordered to attend anger management classes and perform 200 hours of community service.
Bynum proclaimed herself the new "face of domestic violence" after the August assault. The traveling Pentecostal pastor continues her ministry. In April, Bynum appeared on Fox TV's "Divorce Court," offering advice to a couple who were ending their marriage after a history of domestic violence.
Kessler said Weeks is looking forward to closing this chapter in his life. After Bynum missed several appointments to discuss the divorce, including a recent court-ordered mediation, Weeks grew tired of waiting and pushed for a settlement, Kessler said.
"He is moving forward with his life," Kessler said. "This is a way out. Everyone keeps what they have. Once they sign this ... all the judge has to do is attach a divorce decree to it."
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Single parents create happy new homes after divorce
Single parents create happy new homes after divorce By H.M. CAULEY Atlanta Journal-Constitution Published on: 05/29/08
With the divorce rate hovering around 50 percent, it's no surprise that many of Stephanie Andrews' design clients find themselves starting over again. Unlike the recent grad who's just rented a new apartment or newlyweds moving into a starter home, the newly single often come with bits and pieces of their past to sort through, as well as a passion to put their own imprint on their surroundings quickly. "There's so much psychology that goes into designing a home," said Andrews, owner of the Candler Park-based Balance Design. "Newly single people want to explore who they are and put that in their house. It's a chance for them to show their own personal style."There's also something liberating about putting together a home without anyone else's approval. "They have full control and there's no need for compromise, which is very freeing for them," said Andrews. "They can have fun. About the only compromise they may have to make ends up being the cost." For divorced parents, there's the additional desire to make a house a home very quickly for the children. And there are considerations such as where the family will spend time together. Where will the kids do their homework?
Here's a peek inside three Atlanta residences where single parents have put their own style on a new space.
Getting more for less in Doraville
Graphic designer Gabrielle LeBlanc's post-divorce budget made finding a new home in her 8-year-old's school district a challenge. But after 18 months in a Dunwoody apartment, she uncovered a 1960s brick ranch in Doraville that needed a bit of TLC."I knew I could make it work," she said. LeBlanc ripped out carpeting and refinished the wood floors. She painted the trim and ceilings; installed new light fixtures; and added her own small details, such as replacing the wall switch covers. Her thriftiness extended to the furnishings. An inexpensive, three-tiered chandelier she found at IKEA got an upgrade when she added rows of crystals. A friend donated her kids' old crayon-covered art table that LeBlanc refinished to show off the wood. Instead of payment for a job, she traded her work for a futon. And she picked up some framed artworks for $1 at a yard sale.
LeBlanc scoured stores for decor deals and snagged several. A crescent-shaped table with repairable scratches was $90 at Ballard Designs. A low, glass-fronted buffet in the red dining room came from Crate and Barrel. A green suede sofa was a steal from World Market. Inexpensive cube shelving from IKEA created a storage unit for her son's toys.LeBlanc warmed the house with personal items. Framed photos of New Orleans, her hometown, line the halls. A portrait of her grandmother, painted by her grandfather on their wedding day, graces her home office."I wanted a fresh slate," said LeBlanc. "And I liked being able to create my own space without having to ask anyone's permission."
Kids come first in Avondale Estates
Attorney Sheryl McCalla gave her real estate agent a short list of requirements when she went house shopping five years ago. She wanted to be close to her job in Midtown and near the intown school that her two children attend. Though the three-bedroom house in Avondale Estates wasn't an exact fit, McCalla knew it was a terrific place to start over after a divorce."I was looking for a family friendly house in a nice neighborhood," said McCalla. "Here, we can walk to the pool and playground and I have the support of other parents in the neighborhood."The 1950s house had already undergone an extensive renovation, including the addition of a second floor and an open kitchen and family room. "That was key, because I wasn't in a position to do that kind of work," said McCalla.In the large foyer, the base of the staircase leads to the second floor and into the family room as well. A former living room, with a fireplace, is now the red dining room. McCalla turned the old glass-enclosed porch into the art room, where her kids are free to paint on the walls, floors or windows as their creativity moves them.The expanded kitchen has cherry cabinets and an island where the kids can do their homework while McCalla cooks. A corner eating area has a banquette for cozy seating. An adjacent small room holds all of the kids' toys and several musical instruments, while a former first-floor bedroom is now the TV room.McCalla decorated her son's room with a space theme and had an artist paint her daughter's favorite flowers and garden scenes around her bed.The move meant buying all new furniture. "The only things I had were a king-sized bed, two night stands, a dresser and an exercise bike," said McCalla. But she took her time tracking down the large wood dining table, with chairs and bench seating; a beige sofa and two chocolate chairs around the family room fireplace; and a round dining table in the breakfast nook.The kids' artwork on various walls and framed playbills from New York shows that McCalla's parents collected are constant reminders of family connections."Simplicity was my goal," said McCalla. "But it was also important to make the house comfortable. And it had to feel like home."
At home at Dad's
Attorney Doug Kertscher started his search for a post-divorce house for his two young children by drawing a 10-mile circle around their primary residence. The perfect place turned up in the form of a 6-year-old house in Morningside."The house had been well-maintained, which was important because I work a lot of long hours, and I didn't want to have my children with me while I was fixing the roof," said Kertscher.The three-story house came with enough open spaces for his children to run around and several areas that double as adult and kid areas. In the library, book shelves are lined with Dad's collection on the top rows; all of the kids' favorites are within their short reach below. A large rectangular ottoman opens to reveal a toy chest.Kertscher was also insistent that the bedrooms be on the same level so the children would be close by. "And I wanted their rooms to have neat things," he said. In his boy's room, there's an outdoor theme with stars on the ceiling, star lights and camping knick-knacks. His daughter's room, painted in pinks and greens, has stick-on fairies and her name on the walls. The third level of the house has one big room outfitted with a desk and computer, including two kid-sized chairs that double as recliners. Another corner holds a drawing area and chalk boards where the kids can get creative.A sun room houses the entertainment center in front of an over-sized chaise lounge big enough Kertscher and his tykes. "This is where we do our night-time reading," he said.Kertscher furnished the house with new pieces, including the large-screen plasma on the wall of the living area, and what he describes as "strong, male colors.""They're blues and grays, with some greens and reds, that are strong but still warm," he said.Most of his attention was devoted to creating a home that was functional for him while also being a comfort zone for his kids."It was very important to have a place where they'd want to come," he said. "They love coming to Daddy's house; sometimes they'd rather come here than go to the park. And I've been really happy about that."
Tips for making a house a home fast:
• Instead of ordering furniture, ask about buying a floor sample that you can take home immediately. Not only can you get it right away, you may get a discount.
• Shop for ready-made items, such as curtains, drapes and bedding that can punch up a room in minutes.
• The biggest bang for your makeover buck is color. Select a color scheme that will flow throughout the house and make you feel good every time you enter. • Make it personal by displaying your favorite items that have good memories.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Sperm of soldier killed in Iraq frozen for widow
Sperm of soldier killed in Iraq frozen for widow
ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) -- A soldier's widow has succeeded in having sperm taken from his body and frozen four days after he was slain in Iraq, though medical experts said it's highly unlikely she would be able to bear his child.
Sgt. Dayne Darren Dhanoolal, 26, died March 31 when an explosive detonated near his vehicle in Baghdad. He had talked often with his wife, Kynesha, about having children, according to court papers filed by her lawyer.
On Friday, a federal judge in Columbus, Georgia, granted her request for a temporary restraining order preventing the military from embalming the body until samples of Dhanoolal's sperm were extracted. The samples were taken later that day and are in the custody of a medical representative for the widow, who is hoping to be inseminated, even though fertility experts said the procedure almost certainly would not work with her late husband's sperm.
"It's not viable," Dr. Andrew McCullough, associate professor at the New York University School of Medicine, said Monday.
Sperm maintain nearly normal movement and some function for the first three hours after a man's death. After that, their movement and viability declines, according to the Web site for the department of urology at Cornell University's Joan and Sanford I. Weill Medical College.
Dr. John Park, a fertility expert and assistant professor at Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta, said there have been reports of viable sperm being retrieved up to 36 hours after a man's death. But he said it is "highly unlikely" any viable sperm could be retrieved four days later.
Recovery of viable sperm appears relatively uncommon after 24 hours post-mortem unless the body has been cooled, the Cornell site says. It was not known what, if any, precautions were taken to keep Dhanoolal's body sufficiently cool before his sperm were extracted.
Despite the odds, Kynesha Dhanoolal persuaded the judge to allow the sperm to be collected. Dhanoolal did not have a will but had signed a military form designating his mother, Monica Brown, to handle the disposition of his remains.
His widow asserted in court papers that Brown initially did not agree with her wishes.
However, "There's no battle anymore," Kynesha Dhanoolal said Monday after speaking with her mother-in-law over the weekend.
The widow's attorney, Frank Myers, said emotions got in the way of reaching an agreement earlier. Now, "I think everybody is on the same page," he said.
Brown did not return two calls to her Killeen, Texas, home on Monday.
As of Monday, no agreement had been filed with the court, which will determine who gets possession of the sperm.
"Hopefully, the peace will last and everybody will be happy in the end," Myers said.
Sgt. Dhanoolal was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division at Fort Benning, in west Georgia. Fort Benning spokeswoman Monica Manganaro said she was not aware of another time where the widow of a soldier stationed at the base made such a request.
"This is strictly a personal choice of the family and not something we're involved with," Manganaro said.
Dhanoolal's body was to be flown Monday from Dover Air Force Base in Delaware to Texas, where a funeral is planned this Friday, according to the widow's family.
The widow's mother, Yvonne Watkins, said her daughter hopes to use her husband's sperm for artificial insemination as early as this summer.
"We're trying to honor my daughter and Darren's wishes," Watkins said. "All of his comrades and anyone who knew them knew he wanted children."
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Custody dispute pits famed producer against Roswell mom
By D.L. BENNETT
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 03/26/08
Under the professional name "BT," Brian Transeau has produced Sting and Madonna.
He has scored major motion pictures like "Monster," "Stealth" and "The Fast and the Furious." He's written sound tracks for Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2005 and other video games.
And his reputation for blending technology and rhythm have earned his albums a cult-like following.
But for the past few months, Transeau, 37, has gotten more attention for a bitter family feud with a Roswell woman, Karen Durrett, and her daughter, Ashley Duffy. It centers on the break-up of Transeau and Duffy's long relationship and custody and care of their 3-year-old daughter.
Atlanta has become the latest battleground for a struggle that's already wound its way through courts in Maryland and California.
Transeau failed late Tuesday to convince a Fulton County magistrate judge that Durrett should be kept away from his daughter. But Judge Karen Woodson gave lawyers for both sides a week to work out an order keeping the artist and Durrett apart.
"I'm asking everybody here to stop with all the blogs," Woodson said, "to stop all the e-mails, to have no have discussions at all. Nobody goes on 'Montel.' Nothing."
Transeau claimed Tuesday that he feared for his life from Durrett, a Roswell mother of three. He claimed Durrett had threatened him on the phone and posted disturbing messages on the Internet over the past several months.
Transeau and Weinstock said the artist has reason to fear Durrett because of a past that includes years of battering her children, extensive alcohol and drug abuse.
Durrett said her 27-year-old daughter graduated from Roswell High School before meeting Transeau at a concert and eventually moving to Los Angeles.
She testified that she has reformed her life and is now a church-going suburban mother who is no danger to Transeau.
"I did not make any threats to Mr. Transeau," she said, explaining that any blog postings that seemed threatening were just a mother venting anger and not real threats.
Her lawyer, Jason Coffman, argued Transeau was using his client's past as a smear campaign to settle personal scores, not because she's dangerous.
A California court ordered Transeau and Duffy to share custody last year, testimony showed. But in mid-December, Duffy disappeared with the couple's toddler daughter after a custodial visit in Maryland.
Six weeks later, federal authorities, Transeau and private investigators he had hired found Duffy, their little girl and Durrett in a rented apartment in California, according to testimony. Transeau got his daughter back. Duffy was arrested, and said she spent four days in jail before being released without charges.
The couple continue to spar over custody in Los Angeles. Meanwhile, Transeau moved the battle to Atlanta because Durrett lives in Roswell.
Earliert his month, Transeau filed suit in Fulton County Superior Court against Durrett, accusing her of defamation and interference with custody.
The suit claims Durrett has damaged Transeau's ability to earn a living by waging a withering online attack on him and helping to arrange for Duffy to take his daughter earlier this year.
He claims some job opportunities have dried up because of postings Durrett placed on various blogs calling Transeau an abuser and someone who emotes "darkness and evil."
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Forget silver anniversaries: Many couples grapple with 'gray divorce'
Forget silver anniversaries: Many couples grapple with 'gray divorce'
By ELLEN LYON
Associated Press Published on: 03/24/08
Associated Press Published on: 03/24/08
It's been nearly a year since Sherman Smith's 33-year marriage ended in a divorce that, he said, his ex-wife wanted after she realized she didn't love him in the same way anymore. "A divorce is kind of like a death, but she's still there and I can't have her," said Smith, 55, of Elliottsburg, Pa. "I was really looking forward to retiring some day and spending more time with her." Smith has spent 18 months in a divorce support group. "I'm not 100 percent, but I'm pretty doggone good," he said. Annie, 69, of Enola, Pa., who didn't want her last name used, has been divorced since September after her husband of 47 years left her for an old high school flame. Annie said she had considered their marriage a happy one. Divorce simply wasn't in the realm of possibilities for them.
"It hit me in the face like a two-ton truck," she said. "I hadn't a clue. It was the most absolutely horrible thing that ever happened to me. I'm still not over it. I'll never be over it." Although the divorce rate is highest among men ages 30 to 34 and women ages 25 to 29, attorneys, marriage counselors and researchers say that increasingly, people in their 50s, 60s and 70s are grappling with what has come to be known as "gray divorce."
Higher incomes, advanced education and longer lives contribute to the trend, said Gordon Nelson, an associate professor of human development and family studies at Penn State. "People might be becoming increasingly more independent," he said. Mature people in long-term marriages often have multiple and complex reasons for calling it quits.
The '60s generation, more focused on happiness and personal fulfillment and less inhibited about divorce, is moving into its 60s, New Cumberland, Pa., psychologist and marriage and family therapist Sally Tice noted. And as people live longer "there's more years to think of putting up" with unhappy marriages, she said. Raising children can take a toll, too.
"It's very typical for couples to grow apart during the adolescent years of their children," Tice said. And if they haven't renewed their relationship, it can fall by the wayside. Carlisle, Pa., divorce and family law attorney Carol Lindsay identified one age-old reason for gray divorce: the midlife crisis. This temporary emotional upheaval is seldom referred to as such by anyone in the midst of one, and it's typically a male phenomenon, she said. "There's this vague longing. Mortality is calling," Lindsay said. "People throw over things they have. ... There's this sense that I missed something."
But it's not always true that older men find it easier to remarry, said Camp Hill attorney Corky Goldstein — whose oldest divorce client was 81 and "very, very unhappy" in a 44-year marriage. "If you don't really have any money, a man in his 70s is not going to attract a younger woman," he said. Yet, while divorce at midlife used to be more of a "male deal," increasingly women are initiating it, Lindsay said. A 2004 AARP study of persons who had divorced between the ages of 40 and 70 confirmed Lindsay's observations: 66 percent of the women surveyed said they had asked for the divorce, compared with 41 percent of the men.
Lindsay believes a different kind of midlife event is often at work with women who, for years, cared for their husband and children. "The hormone for taking care of people goes away and they're sick of it," she said. "They're just not in the nurturing mode any more." Sometimes it has to do with women getting jobs and having the money to leave, coupled with a softening of the taboo against divorce, Lindsay said. Gray divorces generally don't have the grueling, heart-rending custody issues common in younger couple's divorces, but they can be wrought with the complications of property ownership and division of assets.
In Smith's case, his ex-wife had her own pension plan, he said. Annie, a retired teacher, also has her own pension and Social Security, but she resents how the divorce has changed her financial situation. "When my husband and I were together we had enough money to do whatever we wanted and now I'm strapped," she said. Some older couples show their maturity in the way they handle their divorce. "Sometimes there are graceful older people and you are so grateful for them as clients," Lindsay said. "I always think a long marriage deserves to be honored with a
respectful divorce."
TIPS FOR SURVIVING DIVORCE IN LATER LIFE • Join a support group.
• Develop same-sex friendships.
• Volunteer.
• Don't isolate yourself.
Seek out the medical, mental health and spiritual resources. • Give yourself time to grieve and heal.
• Consult an attorney and a financial adviser before signing any documents regarding marital assets. Choose an attorney who will advise you of your rights and represent your interests but who won't escalate matters beyond your comfort level. You both are going to want to attend the grandchildren's birthday parties.
Sources: DivorceCare support group leaders Beth and Wayne Janis, Mechanicsburg, Pa.; attorney Jeanne Costopoulos, Camp Hill, Pa., attorney Corky Goldstein.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
How Much Life Insurance Do You Need After Divorce?
How Much Life Insurance Do You Need After Divorce?
Experts believe that a surviving spouse with children needs at least $100,000.00 worth of insurance for every $500.00 of pre-tax income. If you require $3,000.00 a month ($36,000.00 per year) to cover your expenses, your spouse should have $600,000.00 of life insurance. ($3,000.00/500.00 = 6; 6 x 100,000.00 = $600,000.00) of insurance to meet your bills. The surviving souse would invest the $600,000.00 at a conservative interest rate of 6 % which would generate $36,000.00 a year in interest before taxes. Because the surviving spouse and children would be living off the interest, rather than the principal. the income would last forever. Many people feel that $50.000.00 worth of insurance, that's commonly part of, an employee benefit's package. is enough. It is not.Therefore, at the time of divorce, it is imperative that additional insurance be obtained so that, in the event that your spouse dies, and alimony and child support ceases, the surviving spouse and children have sufficient funds to live on.
To get life insurance "by telephone or on line" the following sources can be considered:
InsuranceQuote Services 800-972-1104
http://www.iquote.com/
http://www.iquote.com/
Information provided by: Ann O'Flanagan located at http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/oflanagan.html
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